Leap of Faith

He looks across the canyon
He sees no way to traverse
He looks up the cliff for a rope
Seeing none, he starts to curse

He walks madly up and down
Feeling stressed and feeling low
He picks up stones and pebbles
Down the canyon he will throw

He thinks he has lost everything
There is nothing left to love
He sits down and starts to weep
And then he hears a voice from above

“Take a look at what you’ve done”
“I’ve done nothing, I’m no help” he cries
“You’ve done more than you think
Now stop and dry your eyes”

He sits there ignoring the voice
Any help he wants is out of reach
“Stand up, do not cut me out
There is more for you to teach”

He looks up, and shakes his head
“I teach nothing! Open your ears!
If you think I’m a help,
Where have you been all these years?”

“You have not wanted me.
You did not want to believe
I would not come to you
When you think I would deceive.”

He wipes his eyes and stands
There is truth in all these words
He sees his camera and frowns
That wasn’t there, this is absurd

The camera is big and is not his
It’s different to the one he owns
It shows him taking photos
Even picking up the stones

He sees something on the photo
And now knows he will be safe
He walks to the edge of the canyon
He is rewarded with his leap of faith

He carefully crosses the gap
He knows he can see his friends
As he reaches the other side I wake
And I have no idea how this ends.

__________

As a great many of you know, I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday. I am normally a lot stronger than that and if I do meltdown, I don’t do it in public. As a result of that “internal crisis” I had this as a dream last night. It wasn’t a poem in the dream, but it was all there.

Thank you, all of you for your kind words of encouragement and support in my moment of weakness. I really do appreciate it.

Do You Remember?

Do you remember the way we looked?
The way we looked into each others eyes?
What we saw in them, what we felt?
How we could read each other?

««o»»

Do you remember the way we danced?
The way we danced all night?
The way we embraced each other?
How our feet moved as one?

««o»»

Do you remember the way we spoke?
The way we spoke to each other with smiles?
What we would say to cause laughter?
How we would speak of love?

««o»»

Do you remember the way we felt?
The way we felt each other even at a distance?
The spark when our fingers touched?
How just a thought caused breathlessness?

««o»»

Do you remember the way we sat?
The way we sat for hours watching the stars?
When we looked at the constellations?
How we made wishes on shooting stars?

««o»»

Do you remember the way we loved?
The way we loved each other with our souls?
When being away from each other was painful?
How we would ache to be each other’s arms?

««o»»

Do you remember the way we parted?
The way we parted because there was no choice?
When we had to say goodbye?
How you stood at the airport with tears flowing?

««o»»

Do you remember the look we gave each other?
The way the look said it all?
That no matter the time, a call was always welcome?
How we would always rush to help?

««o»»

Do you remember we made promises?
The way we made promises to always be there?
Because we opened each others hearts?
How we said we could never be together?

««o»»

Do you remember the restaurants?
The way the restaurants would wait for us?
That there was always a meal waiting?
How we would always have Paris?

© Alastair Forbes 2013

How To Perk Up A Bit

After reading Penny‘s post on TheWhyAboutThis on Human Insecurity, it reminded me of something that a counsellor told me once that should help to rebuild confidence in yourself and fight towards the end of the tunnel. I would like to really, really, REALLY thank Penny for creating the post that made me think of this.

Close your eyes and try to imagine yourself in a theatre or a cinema or somewhere like that. All around you are bubbles which contain the things that are getting you down. Ignore those, and focus on the screen on the stage. Start the film rolling of something that makes you happy. Whether it is a happy memory, a happy thought, a person, a time, an event to come.

Watch the film. As you are watching it, open the door to the theatre and imagine a breeze going through, pushing those bubbles out of the doors. Carry on watching the film, and put a new one on if necessary and watch the new film. Remember to watch the film and ignore the bubbles. Take attention to the little details on the film. You will be able to see those little details if you focus in them. By doing this will bring smiles to your face and thus the bubbles will float out the door or at the very least, diminish.

If you do this several times a week, it can really help. Maybe start by writing down what your dreams or good memories are so you can focus easier on them.

Thank you again Penny.

Time Goes By

EDIT: I am only posting this because it was three years ago today that it happened. I am over this and I am a much happier person now. I made the mistake and I moved on. 

Everybody does things in their life that they regret. They say something to someone, they write something down, they don’t say something. We are all guilty of this in one form or another.

Three years ago today, I made one of the biggest mistakes, and most significant error of my life and that of my children. I moved.

I had been chatting with this woman for over a year, whilst all the while there was something niggling me. I ignored my normal intuition, my gut feelings. I believe I know why. I had made a couple of friends in Leicestershire and I went to visit them regularly, and then one of the husbands said through one of the friends that I was no longer welcome as he felt I was trying to sleep with his wife. Definitely not true. So I stopped talking to them for a little and started chatting to this other woman.

Funnily, she told me everything I needed to hear. Or I wanted to hear. I went to visit her a couple of times, and something screamed at me that this was all wrong. But I ignored it.

On February 13^th 2010, I moved in with her. I do have a blog post about that here. Even my cats knew it was a mistake and the weather tried to stop me as well.

It is a mistake I will not make again. I will always listen to my heart. I will always listen to my instincts, my intuition, my gut. I hid myself away when I moved back, built a wall around myself so high a jack hammer would be needed to breakthrough.

Over the time that I have been back, I have been speaking to a couple of people who, with kind words and understanding, helped me lower these walls which is why I have now started using my name and a photograph. I’m not going to embarrass them by mentioning them, but they know who they are … and thank you …

I made the mistake and I learned from it. It is a lesson we all have to learn. Live. Hurt. Cry. Suffer. Cry. Rebuild.

If you are in hell … keep going  ••••• Winston Churchill

My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with your failure ••••• Abraham Lincoln

What lies behind you and what lies in front of you pales in comparison to what lies inside you ••••• Ralph Waldo Emerson