I haven’t participated in the Līgo Haībun Challenge for a while, but as soon as I saw the two words on offer, something popped into my head.
The idea of the Līgo Haībun Challenge is that you are given two words or two photos to choose from and then created a story, a poem, a prose and finish it with a haiku style piece. If you want to know more, then pop over to one of the judges blogs – Penny or Pirate. Nightlake – the third judge – is currently away. The choices this week are Illusion or Ecstasy. I chose illusion
I made the mistake; I know I did. Not something I am proud of. In fact, I am ashamed. I walk through the streets thinking about it. Every day it crosses my mind what I did. Well, not so much crosses my mind as stays there. “An easy enough mistake to make”, they tell me. Well, I do not see them making the same mistake. People look at me as I walk past. I wonder how many of them know. I wonder how many know firsthand, and how many know second … or third … fourth. Chinese whispers change everything, make things worse, more intricate, add flair and colours. Embellish it completely with new sides every day.
I look down as I walk, averting my eyes from everyone. I pretend I am not there. I try not to attract attention. Maybe if people do not see my face, they will not recognise me and will not stare. I wear my hat as low as possible and I wear dark glasses. I think of the friends I have lost as a result. I wonder if they will ever come back.
I stop to cross the road and hear mutterings. I wonder if they are about me. If they are talking about what I did; what I said; what I wrote; what I drew; what I uploaded. My day carries on like this as it has done for the last two months. I finish work and I go home, I sit down and I cry into my beer. I wonder if the next day will be different; if I will start to like myself again; if I can forgive myself for the mistake so that the others can forgive me; if the genuine smiles will return.
trust destroyed in seconds
forgiveness is an illusion