Friday Fictioneers is a group of people who are given a photo and use that create a short, circa 100 word, story. Rochelle provides photos that come from a variety of places, this week’s photo comes from Rochelle herself. If you want to read other stories, click on the link that is below my story. This is a continuation of a story that I started with my first Friday Fictioneers contribution, and carried on in the second.
Photo © Rochelle Wisoff-Fields
He stood there, plotting. He was in the house he’d thought was hers. There was no electricity in this house, just lamps which was unusual in a place like this, but it would serve it’s purpose. The spice rack had garlic in it; he could smell it even though it was sealed.
The dead woman in the hallway was not his target, but he had bled her completely dry to send a message that could not be ignored. It would not be long until there would be nowhere left to hide.
“Soon my lovely” he whispered, knocking over the lamp.
A Mixed Bag 
I like your 100 word concept how do I get involved in a story?
If you go here: http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/ Every Wednesday Rochelle adds a new photo as a prompt. I like the poetry you have been doing lately, and I look forward to your stories 🙂
Gory!
Thank you 🙂
Looks good to me. Readable and sinister – and a catchy ending.
Thank you 😀
great story… as one of the other reader said it would be great to add a little more description on the action. But as you said 100 word story has its limitation. I felt the same trying to fit my plot in 100 words ! nevertheless you done a wonderful job here !
Thanks 🙂
Your first sentence alone raises curiosity: what is he plotting? And you nicely wove together past action (the woman already dead) and future action (the message won’t be ignored). Good story!
Thank you 🙂
dum dum duuuuummmmmm.
My only critique is we are being told so much. It’ would be nice to be shown the details, the scent of garlic, his frustration or not being sure this was the first house, his thrill of bleeding the woman dry. I’d love to get in his head 🙂
That’s one of the problems with only 100 words. But I’ll see what I can do 🙂
very true, that word limit is always tricky 🙂
Chilling
Thank you 😀
Oh Alastair, this is wrongly good lol…very well done. So many wonderful entries this week
Thanks Boomie. I have been enjoying them 🙂
Ooohhh! i love the photo and your take on it. Hugs Paula xx
Thanks Paula. I’m really loving this
Can’t wait for the sequel. Well done Alastair. 🙂
Thanks LuAnn 🙂
Gosh, you really are an old romantic, aren’t you!
I know how to show a woman a good time 😉
Hi Alastair
Great story – can’t wait to see what happens next 🙂
Thank you 🙂
the hungry vampire on prowl once again..very well done:)
Thank you 🙂
Well done, Alastair.
Denmother
Thank you, I appreciate 🙂
Chilling! love it.
Thank you 😀
It’s a great mood you’ve created. He’s quite a relentless killer. I wouldn’t want him coming to my house.
😆 Neither would I. Thanks David
You rock this thing called writing stories my friend.
Thank you Amber 😀
Great writing, Alastair!
I like the light from the lamp looks romantic and countryside too!
I like it very much! 🙂
Thank you 🙂
Awesome!
Thanks Tom
You’re welcome. I didn’t read it before the changes but I like the way it is now. Creepy, man.
Tom
Think that’s probably the best way 😆
Well done Alastair, one might even say “spell-binding! 🙂
Thank you Penny 🙂
I do like these Friday Fictioneers.
🙂
Someone suggested I start another blog and use some of my photos as prompts for stories
Another blog, you will stay busy indeed Alastair but using your photos as prompts for stories is a very good idea! 🙂
The other blog would be solely for that so that I wouldn’t get mixed up with them. I already have another WordPress blog, but I have posted twice to it in a year 😆
🙂
The other holds no interest to man nor beast. It’s a review blog for XBOX 360 games, and I’ve only reviewed two. Haha
Strong message sent indeed.
You can see the actual message here: http://julesinflashyfiction.wordpress.com/2013/03/27/ff-the-good-witch-a-j-7/
Nice continuation Alastair.
Thanks Kim. 🙂
He just cannot catch up with her can he? I like the continuation stories. I am on my third iteration also. It gives you a chance to string together the words to tell a better story.
It does. I love being able to do that. Fleshes it out more, brings the character more to life .. or unlife … I’m wondering what will happen when he catches her.
Evil!
😀 Thanks
Ooooohhhhh – good. But – not good for the victim.
No, I think she is going to have a serious problem when he finally catches her.
Hi Alistair, great story this week, I can’t wait for next week’s thrilling installment!
Thank you 😀
For me, sinister comes from using as few words as possible, to increase the sense of dread, sense of the unknown. Try these few ideas;
…plotting, in the house he thought was hers.
…lamps, unusual in a …
“Soon my lovely,” is kind of a cliche’, is there another possible word choice?
Great piece!
Thanks 🙂
First I thought of putting “Soon, you bitch!” but that doesn’t fit with his character. He is a couple of hundred years old.
I see how that can look better, Thanks for the feedback
no–you stated the garlic was sealed & despite that it was aromatic–therefore that plot device works (I am addressing first remark, and as a professional)
Thank you 😀
However you re-did it worked. Spice-rack garlic wouldn’t smell but I guess the undead have better senses than we mere mortals. 🙂
That’s what I was thinking. Because of the effect it has on him, he could smell it through the packaging.
Thank you
If you want another word to play with, you don’t need “that” in this sentence: “He was in the house that he had thought was hers.” “…the house he’d though was hers…” works and would actually give you two more ghoulish words. 🙂 Nothing vital, though.
janet
Cool, thanks 🙂
Always happy to gift someone with more words.
😀
Yikes!
For a while, till the garlic part, I thought this was a vampire story. Turned out it was only humans at work – a much scarier proposition.
Sinister work, gave me the chills
Oh no, it’s definitely a vampire. In the previous part it says the effect that garlic has on him.
Thanks 🙂
uh-oh whoever she is, she’d better run. well done, i love sinister stories like this one ^^
Thanks KZ. 🙂
Big grin…I checked with you first…
I’ll be posting the ‘continuation’ as soon as I can. Grandson is due at any moment. Going to put up a page up at my place just for this adventure.
Not sure what I’ll call it just yet…But all of the stories will be in one place for anyone who is interested.
Oh cool 😀
That’s much more powerful – a really scary piece of writing.
Thanks, and thanks for your feedback 🙂
Now that’s one character I definitely don’t want to meet.
He’s not the nicest of “people” 🙂
good elements in your story with the right amount of suspense and wanting to know what next
Thank you 🙂
Gruesomely good. ‘The dead woman’…’bled it’. I’d change it to ‘her’ or change the subject to ‘the body’. An atmospheric piece that doesn’t overdo the menace, just the right balance there. Well done
Thank you 🙂
It was where I had changed “the body” to the “The dead woman” and forgot to change the other bit.
and in the night the vampires stalk…. well done Alastair, I do agree about the personal pronouns, so I shall pop back later when you have worked on it. I liked the concept and the feel of this. 🙂
Thank you 🙂
“By the pricking of my thumbs something wicked this way comes.”
Good plot. I agree with Claire on the pronouns. I’d urge you to play with your sentence structures.
shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle. Just doing it now. 🙂
I’ve made a couple of changes to it 🙂
I like the sinister undertone, and the fact that he can smell garlic… I wonder if there are just a few too many personal pronouns in the second paragraph.
Claire
I’ll see if I can play with it and make more readable. Thanks 🙂 Advice is always welcome
I’ve updated it, can you let me know if it has improved it? Thanks