This week’s Friday Fictioneers photo comes courtesy of Lora Mitchell. You can find details of Friday Fictioneers on Rochelle’s blog which is here.
Also, check out Jules’ blog for the woman’s side.
Friday Fictioneers Ā© Lora Mitchell
The One That Got Away
He looked out of the window remembering the chase. After he had launched himself up the stairwell, he chased her down the corridor. As he ran around the corner, she was gone. He remembered sniffing the air and catching an overpowering scent of garlic. Had he been able to, he would have vomited. The garlic, not only debilitating, also crippled his senses. Blood had leaked from his eyes as a result. He shuddered at the thought and sniffed the lily on the window ledge.
He would find her. He would have her. He would turn her and he would torment her for all eternity.
You can find the first part this story here.
A Mixed Bag 
I see the garlic angle now.
What does he mean by “he would turn her”?… turn her into what?
Is there a hint of paranormal here?
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Dear Alastair,
“He remembered sniffing the air and caught an overpowering scent of garlic.”
This sentence appears to be mixing tenses. If I am wrong, apologies. Otherwise a nice story.
Aloha,
Doug
Yes it was an error. Sorry
Alastair beautiful story you wrote! It has a touch of sadness in it and a little disappointed, but very beautifully written! š
Thanks Stefania
Iām thinking her got away is temporary.
š
we always want what we can’t have, don’t we.
nicely written
We do š
Thank you
Don’t you just hate those double glazing salesmen? Why can’t he get the message, she doesn’t want to buy! Seriously though, good story, dark and atmospheric.
Hahaha. š Thanks
Whoa, pretty creepy vampire story. Good detail – especially the garlic.
Thank you š
Enjoyed the eyes bleeding touch. Makes me wonder about myself, but oh well.
Thank you š
A good pace to this story. Well written! I am so glad I love garlic.
Tom
Me too. At least the bleeding eyes kind of give it away š
Nice guy! I’m not normally a fan of FF sequels – basically because I’m too lazy to go back and reread the previous week’s – but this was so good I want to know what happens next!
š Thanks
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Rascally rabbit, i mean, vampire. Nice, Alastair.
š Thanks š
vengeful creature! Nice pace and build up of unease
Thanks Carrie š
Gallops along apace!
Well written, Alastair.
Thanks š
With a little help…I’ve posted a revision. I do believe the ‘main’ sight gags (‘gag’ being the operative word) remain.
I don’t know about you, but I’m having a blast…Thanks, and double thanks.
I’m loving doing it š
“I love it when a plan comes together”
(Do you remember the “A Team”)
Haha I do indeed. Da da daaa..da DA da ..dadadadaaaaa
“Boom!”
š
Yikes! I hope you have more to follow…
Me too. Depends on reaction though
I liked this, are there more parts to this story? Nice job of working in the lily so subtly at the end. Sounds like you’ve got a great traditional vampire character going š
Thanks. I’m hoping to carry it on. Depends on the response. This is the second part. I’m going to put on a link to someone who is doing this from the woman’s point of view
That’s one determined vamp. Nice continuation.
Thank you Sandra. Now I just have to learn the proper format of writing
A continuation of the swirly staircase!
Niiiice!!!
Thank you for saying.
I’m hoping the story continues…well done Alastair! š
Thank you for saying so
Dear Alistair,
Nice to see you back. I like the way you subtly worked the lilies in. I think cripples needs to be crippled. I suspect this is a typo rather than a tense switch. BTW i love garlic more than ever now. š
Shalom,
Rochelle
Yes. It was a typo. After I fixed it from getting slammed earlier, I thought I had sorted everything. I’ll fix that tomorrow. Thank you.
Haha,..ha ha…ha. I read ’em to my hubby…he laughed too.
http://julesinflashyfiction.wordpress.com/2013/03/13/100-words-with-alastair-for-friday-fictioneers-hit-the-ground-running/
I like that š
This is great!
Nice of you to say. I think “alright” would be more accurate. š
The Stair not the star…I’m still laughing uncontrollably!
š
Dang! I should have stopped by your place first! I laughed until tears came out of the corners of my eyes. Now I’m going to have to write a continuation!!!
Thank goodness for garlic bread breath! Ha ha!
Maybe not today…but I will be back at this!
For those wanting to share the laughter see JulesPaige last week.
The Star: An Emotional Feast.
š
Nicely done Alastair! Yes indeed! š xx
Thank you Penny š I appreciate the feedback
š
Another well-written story, Alastair, and I remember the one from last week, too. š Good to know that garlic really works. I have quite a lot in the house but perhaps need to start carrying some in my purse. I’ve always thought that in real life, the only thing wearing garlic will get you is freedom from colds, as no one will get close enough to share germs!
janet
Interesting to see where this goes!
Thanks. Me too š
Lol! š
I like the story, just wish you’d reword without all the HAD’s. They kinda beat me up.
I wasn’t sure what the problem was until I re-read it and saw where you were coming from. I’ve removed them altered the way it’s told slightly
Well done.
Thank you š
I toy with the idea of a serial, but so far I have not followed the trail. You guys are giving me the confidence to try. A great continuation.
Thanks Joe š Give it a go. It can be fun
Dark. Yes it’s a challenge to always continue. Myself I’m on part 4 now. Great story.
Thanks Bjorn. Going to head over and read yours š
This is dark, Alastair š
Thanks Celestine
That’s really good. What a powerful sense of revenge he has. Are you going to keep the story going?
Thanks David. I’m going to try my best š
and he’s not out of breath after all those stairs
Good continuation of the story
hmm wonder what”s next
Thank you š Hopefully it’s another picture I can use next week